free-write

I should warn you first off, that this is probably going to be a downer post.  I realize I shouldn't blog when I'm so emotional and so anyway, this is what you get - this is me.  There's been a lot of talk on families lately - church, other people's blogs, etc.  Really, I don't know how I've adapted to this move to Washington for the last 1.5 years without being close to family.  We've been very blessed to have family come and visit, luckily though.  But it's like sometimes I just want to leave the house and go run over to my sister's for the day, or just hang out with the family at night.  All these emotions running through my head are probably the cause of having a baby - it would be nice to have family around.  Don't get me wrong, I have made great friends here, but there's just something about siblings, parents, ya know, to just comfort you and make things better.  This is where I have greatly depended on Clay to fill those needs.  I have grown such a deeper love and appreciation for him that I can't even begin to wonder what I would do without him.  It's something that I hate to even think about.  But this is where family begins.  I have my own family here.  We depend on each other to get through the rough patches.  I know things will get better.  Ok, I'm just rambling on and have no idea what I'm even talking about anymore.  I suppose this is like one of those free-writing posts that I remember doing in English class in Jr. High.  I guess I'm just trying to adapt to change - something that I don't think I like that much :) It took a while to adapt to this move, to gain friends, to feel like a part of something, to feel welcomed at church.  I know that another move somewhere is right around the corner.  I hate the unexpected.  We don't know where to yet. I am a planner.  I feel like I have to have things set in stone.  I love my pocket calendar to write things in.  Anyway, one thing I know for sure is that I have a loving Heavenly Father that knows me.  Yes, He knows what's best for me, what I can and can't handle.  And that's what gives me comfort.  I know that I am taken care of.  That I will adapt to change and can handle what's thrown at me.  He has placed Clay in my life to help me out, to handle those situations.  I am eternally grateful for this knowledge.  I can't express how thankful I am for Clay, especially during this new "change".  Kort is such a blessing to us.  Yes, there are the ups and downs, but slowly I am progressing and beginning to feel this new unconditional love towards him.  It has brought Clay and I closer together.  It has made me want to do better and try a little bit harder.  Ok, I'm done rambling now.  I just can't wait to see our families again! March can't come quick enough for Kort's baby blessing :D